Friends, I have got to tell you about the most amazing insurance plan ever from Old Republican NeoCom Life: Introducing Never Say Die Insurance.* Available now in Florida on a test basis this remarkable product will keep you from decomposing for years after your brain is dead. Simply consult one of our special peddlers today or call toll free 1-666-PLAY-GOD. Until now you may have wondered about your future, but fear no more; we have eliminated death here at ORNCL.* Just imagine no more death except for undesirables. Imagine the freedom of being kept alive for almost forever by feeding tubes, wires, and respirators. Imagine eliminating death for all good people and the Good News is once we hook you up, you are virtually isolated from all the world problems. Think of the freedom from negative thoughts, or uncomfortable news!
Friends, think of the possibilities of warehouses after warehouses being constructed right here in your hometown; and rows after rows of totally brain dead people all hooked up without anyone ever dying. Plan your next vacation with a respirator or a ventilator in mind and save money on costly repair bills for cars, homes, hotels, and boats. Never worry about the price of gasoline or the dreaded overweight problem again. So call today again for The Never Say Die Insurance Plan from Old Republican NeoCom Life at 1-666-PLAY-GOD. Or send a special E-Mail picture to Bill Frist, Tom Delay, or Jeb Bush of your brain dead loved one and we will be Right out to hook everything up.
* Licensed only in the State of the Imagination and subject to certain penalties for noncompliance. No minorities need apply and valid only with massive campaign contributions. Good only if invoked by special legislation during investigations by Grand Juries. Valid only if you are a Bush Family friend or have the Right Life Style, thoughts, opinions, and are available for video taping. If murderous criminal or undesirable, may be subject to execution first; then life support available on proof you are brain dead. If questionable circumstances arise, send a video to Bill Frist for picture analysis. Be sure to bring cash for the premium, preferably in large mail sacks of small bills and ideally be pre-measured for orifice incision.
-Thomas P Love
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