Santa Claus Busted In Terrorist Plot

Santa Claus Busted In Terrorist Plot

Late last night Federal Agents of the Homeland Security Agency arrested Santa Claus after a brazen attempt to purchase weapons of Mass destruction and smuggle them into homes all over the country. We have had our eyes on him for sometime, declared the field agent for HSA.
We think he has been in contact with foreign elements all over the globe. He wants nothing less than to create some kind of dirty bomb using enriched snow and a cadre of demented elves. The distinctive yellow snow was recovered and is undergoing analysis along with a mysterious sleigh and a dangerous assortment of jingle bells. A suspicious sack containing hundreds of banned objects was also recovered.

Santa was finger printed and the id came back with several aliases including Kris Kringke, a suspected mastermind of a plot to infiltrate countries suspected of having ties to AL Qaeda and subvert impressionable minds. Reliable reports say Santa will undergo Extraordinary Rendition in an undisclosed location. Stay tuned for further breaking news on this the network that presents only fair and biased coverage of the news that’s fit to report.

Tooth Fairy Busted In Terrorist Plot


Late yesterday Agents of the FBI announced a gang of terrorists led by the notorious Tooth Fairy had been exposed in a fiendish plot to blow up the Holland Tunnel. Good intelligence uncovered this plot despite the fact that none of the gang was in the United States or except for the Tooth Fairy had ever even been to the US. Reports show the most reliable info came from interrogation techniques using water therapy in an undisclosed third world country. The techniques of water therapy are so reliable that it bears little further mention.

Basically the concept was developed to catch and apprehend witches during The Middle Ages. The suspect is strapped to a long plank and suspended horizontally over a deep vat of water. The questioner or interrogator asks them what they know and if they lie or say nothing, they are dunked till they nearly drown. This technique has been thoroughly modernized by the Bush Administration. In its old technique if the witches were suspended into the water for a longer period that was humanly possible to keep them from drowning and they in fact lived, they were burned at the stake. This crude method literally burned up too many terrorists so now the terrorists are kept around for further questioning and as new plots are revealed, they are brought back to the water for more therapy and further intelligence.

We think they have been in contact with foreign elements of Al Qaeda all over the globe said field agents speaking under deep cover from the office of Karl Rove. They want nothing less than to create mass panic and a feeling of fear to undermine the false sense of security enjoyed by most Americans who are only several terrorist plots away from the fall elections. The tricky thing is these clever fanatics usually hide behind a total lack of evidence, but we know how to outwit them. Stay tuned for further breaking news on this the network that presents only fair and biased coverage of the news that is fit to report.

British Intelligence Makes Big Bust

Late breaking news, British Intelligence has made a big bust in London. An Agent arrested the Coca Cola Polar Bear and several Arabic looking camel drivers in a massive plot to smuggle chemical explosives on airliners. In a plot reminiscent of the Hindenburg Disaster they were attempting to conceal liquid explosives in Coca Cola bottles and hidden as camel suppositories. Obvious links to Al Qaeda were brought to light when it was revealed that all had once seen a travel poster of Pakistan on the London Subway.

The fiendish Coca Cola plot was aimed at taking advantage of lax civil rights, reported Sir Henry Buttsniff a double aught British Agent speaking from the London office of Karl Rove. We will just have to make everyone hand over all liquids, tubes, gels, and sodas, he replied. When asked if the chemicals were so dangerous why they poured them in big containers at the airports this reporter was subject to an all cavity body search for his own protection.

We really think they were going down the tubes said Buttsniff who lab tested the explosives. We found that the suppositories, a mixture of beans, and airline meals produced a lethal substance, Buttsniff reported. They were going to hide the camel in the unchecked airline cargo and explode them in several major cities. They were promptly arrested and send to an undisclosed location near a Middle East country.

The Coca Cola Bear was finger printed and the id came back with several aliases including ties to Kris Kringke, a suspected mastermind of a plot to infiltrate countries suspected of having ties to AL Qaeda and subvert impressionable minds. Reliable reports say he is undergoing Extraordinary Rendition in an undisclosed location. Stay tuned for further breaking news on this the network that presents only fair and biased coverage of the news that is fit to report.

_Thomas P Love